Cruisin' for Cubans

by Ashley Brunn

The big table of water almost frightened me. Was the water in Mexico really so bad that the cruise ship felt they needed to offer a whole table full of overpriced Crystal Geyser before we left the ship? It seemed ridiculous to me, but we bought a $2 bottle anyway. It was tiny, but we would only be on land for a couple of hours, so we figured we could make it last.

After going through the required security to leave the Carnival Fun Ship Ecstasy, we both stepped foot on foreign soil for the first time. How exciting, yet how pathetic it felt. We were both 20-somethings who were making our first trip to Mexico with a whole boatload of clueless tourists.

But it was our honeymoon, and we were psyched and ready to find some Cuban cigars.

The place where the ship docked had a little flea market that we had to walk through (there was no way around). We immediately saw coolers filled with bigger bottles of Crystal Geyser than that which my husband Matt was holding. Of course, they were cheaper, and I'm sure they were just as clean and fresh as our pricy 8-ouncer. It didn't really matter though, because we had already been paying ridiculous prices for alcohol onboard, so we were used to being screwed by then.

We looked around the flea market and saw all kinds of weird trinkets—statues, toys, bracelets, instruments, purses, sunglasses—and everything looked cheap. We looked at all the tables for some Cubans, but could find none. It was time to move on.

We had no plans for what we would do while in Mexico . We really hadn't thought about anything but buying cigars and I don't really know why. Neither of us were smokers. I guess we both just enjoyed breaking laws that are easy to get away with. Smuggling Cubans seemed easy enough, we just didn't know how to find them.

So we stepped out of the flea market and saw the bustling city of Ensenada . It looked different from American cities. I felt very intimidated because I had never been in a place so different from home. I was even more freaked out at the prospect of getting lost or mugged or being left behind in another country with only three-quarters of a bottle of water.

We decided we needed to hop on one of the little tour buses. Who knew exactly what they were for, but it only cost a few bucks and we would be with a big group of people and would be returned safely to the ship in just a couple of hours.

The bus would take us to “La Bufadora,” which means “the blowhole.” It is the second highest marine geyser in the world, after one in Hawaii. A marine geyser is where the waves from the ocean come up to a narrow path in the rock shore and push through a hole. The water shoots straight up into the sky, as high as 60 feet, and there are only three other natural “blowholes” in the world (Hawaii, Australia, and Tahiti). We were excited to see such a magnificent and rare part of nature.

It took about 20 minutes to get there. On the way there, the guide made us introduce ourselves to the rest of the people on the bus. It was pretty painful, as might be expected, but we were in such good moods, we went along with it.

When we arrived, the guide told us when to be back and sternly reinforced the fact that we would be left there if we weren't prompt.

We had a few hours and decided to follow the group down to the blowhole before checking out the long, enticing rows of little shops that were all pretty much the same. We eyed each of them to see if we could spot any Cuban cigars, and noticed a particular shop that had a huge walk-in humidor of cigars. We kept it in mind as we walked with the group to the blowhole.

La Bufadora was amazing. The water shot high in the air, coming down as a light trickle of water to help us cool off. The water was an incredible color of blue and the view of the ocean was absolutely breathtaking. We snapped a few photos, enjoyed the view and the mist for a few minutes, then decided to head back to the shops. We had hoped to get Christmas presents for everyone on our list while we were on our honeymoon, and this was our last stop on the cruise, so we were ready to do some shopping. Neither of us quite knew what to expect, though.

The number of shops was overwhelming—there were at least 50 shops to look through in just two hours. We knew we wouldn't be able to get to all of them, so we decided to walk until something caught our eyes.

The first thing to catch our eyes was a tall, beautiful pink bong with perfectly placed specks of purple. We instantly went over to ogle it, and the shop owner came over to introduce us to the art of bargaining.

“You like that?” he asked.

“Yeah,” we said. “How much?”

He smiled. “Ninety dollars.”

It was out of our price range, so we let go of the bong and started to move on and look at other items. The salesman wouldn't have it.

“Okay, okay. Sixty dollars. That's a good deal,” he said. “Hits good.”

“Nah,” I said. “Too much money.”

“No, it's good. I can put some in the bowl to smoke, it is so good.”

He prodded us more and insisted it was worth the money, and even lowered the price to $45. We laughed and said maybe we would come back.

“I don't believe in promises,” he shouted after us.

We walked on, going in and out of shops without being able to avoid the harassment from the owners. It was okay, though. We understood that they had to compete and we were actually getting a kick out of the haggling we could do. We just learned not to touch anything we weren't seriously considering purchasing.

We went into a shop that had three walls covered in cloth ponchos. I had always wanted a Mexican poncho and I thought that my little brother might like one too, so we browsed through the colors, while at the same time haggling with the owner. He offered us some tequila as part of the deal, and of course we accepted. I only planned to have one, as tequila had been known to upset my stomach.

I took the shot and was instantly warmer. The swig was delightful, and I didn't even feel like puking after I took it. I was pleasantly surprised by the smoothness of the alcohol and was suddenly ready to be drunk. I asked for another as part of the discount on the ponchos. Of course, the owner agreed and I took another shot of tequila before trying on a red and black striped poncho that had caught my eye.

“You look like Britney Spears!” he exclaimed. “Looks good just like Britney Spears.”

By then, I'd had my third shot of tequila (Matt gave me his) and considered that the funniest thing I had ever heard in my life.

“Britney Spears!” I probably shouted through my uncontrollable laughter. “Well, I don't think so, but I will take it for $12 and one more shot!”

After exchanging goods, we moved on to the next shop. I was now determined to hit up any shop owner for whatever alcohol he would offer. It worked.

We walked from shop to shop, picking up a few gifts for family members while I sampled the different tequila shots that each shop had to offer. Soon we realized that it must be time to get back to the bus (we both refuse to wear watches), especially because I was feeling tipsy and needed a seat.

We made our last stop at the cigar shop and told them to sell us their finest Cubans. The owner knew we were from the cruise ship and suggested we remove the rings on the cigars so we wouldn't get in trouble. We bought ourselves a big, fat Cuban and felt satisfied.

The ride back was pleasant and I was feeling really good. There was supposed to be one last stop in the downtown area of Ensenada (where we were promised free margaritas), but we were exhausted (and both somewhat drunk), so when another couple asked to be taken back to the ship, we decided to go along. I felt like we were already an old married couple for a moment because the other couple was a pair of 70-somethings, but I dismissed my fears because I knew we weren't old. We simply had full bladders and spinning heads.

We waited a few days to smoke the cigar, but finally lit it up when we were back in Redding . We were excited to be enjoying an illegal smoke, but only ended up smoking half of it. It was really nothing special. Maybe we didn't get a good one, or maybe we just couldn't handle such an intense cigar. Whatever it was, it didn't really make the trouble of smuggling a cigar pointless. It was really the adventure that mattered.

--the end

Ashley likes rock music and chocolate.