Finding help for domestic abuse

For most students, college is about classes, friends, parties and having a good time. Unfortunately for some students, their college experience may open doors to unexpected problems, such as sexual and domestic abuse. Of course, this problem is just as prevalent in communities as well as campuses, and fortunately there are many places for those who have been abused to get help.

The Student Health Center

The most obvious place for students in distress to go for help is the Health Center. Counseling and Psychological Services has many programs and counselors can help students through their crises. The service provides many group therapy programs to help students with whatever their problem might be, such as groups for sexual abuse survivors, anger management, depression, and alcohol abuse.

The services that the Health Center provides have changed drastically since the center began, according to Dorothy Hampton, the office manager. Hampton has worked for the Counseling and Psychological Services since 1981.

Through her time at HSU, Hampton has noted a change in the issues facing students.

"It used to be that in the late '70s, we dealt with Vietnam issues, being involved in war protests, students with less severe mental illnesses," she said. "Students were dealing with the weather bothering them and being away from home."

"Now, we see more clinical issues, more general depression and anxiety," she said.

With the increase in issues facing students, more and more of them have come to use the Health Center.

"Every year we have seen more students than the previous year," Hampton said. "Routinely, we see about 10 to 15 percent of the student population."

"It always depends on the individual," said Eleanor Castleberry, who is in her fourth year working at HSU. "People have different responses in a violent relationship. If they are trying to leave the relationship, we direct them to emergency places where they can get away."

Jennifer Sanford, a staff psychologist, who has been at HSU for two years, said what she does as a counselor is help the victim realize the abuse.

"Sometimes people will come in and describe abuse, but they won't define it as such," she said. "We help them realize it is abuse and talk with them about resources. We can help students develop a plan for themselves. Such as, if they decide to stay in the relationship, we help them devise a plan to keep themselves safe."

Since the campus service is only for short-term counseling, the workers can direct students to community resources for long-term counseling and safe houses if needed.

North Coast Rape Crisis Team

The history of the North Coast Rape Crisis Center goes back to the mid-1970s, said Maryann Hayes-Mariani, who has worked there for 13 years. She said it started in the grass-roots movement, when a group of Humboldt County women came together from all walks of life to develop the crisis line, which is available to callers 24 hours a day.

The crisis line is confidential, and victims can also go to the center for counseling. However, one thing she was quick to point out is that the center is required to report abuse if the victim is younger than 18. So if minors don't want the police involved, Hayes-Mariani said they should still come in but remain anonymous.

"Our job isn't to tell victims what to do," she said. "Their choices were taken away from them when they were assaulted. We just provide them with information and let them make their own choices."

Although the center seems more focused on sexual abuse, Hayes-Mariani said domestic abuse is usually intertwined.

"In domestic abuse there is often the more hidden aspect of sexual abuse," she said. "People will call and describe domestic abuse, but it's much harder to talk about sexual violence.

"People can see evidence of physical abuse, but they don't want to talk about the sexual. People need to know it's OK," she said.

She said that the center is available to men and women, heterosexual or homosexual.

Humboldt Women for Shelter

This shelter provides many different resources for victims of domestic abuse in Humboldt County, said Shanna Butler, a volunteer and a social work senior at HSU. She said the shelter offers support groups and housing for people seeking help.

"If the only safe place for a victim to be is somewhere else, we will help them do that." -Regina Kerns

"In the support groups, there is a facilitator, not a counselor," she said. "It's for people with a shared experience to come together, helping each other through the road of healing."

There are three main groups - an alcohol/drug group, a support group where the participants and an art therapy group generate the topic for discussion. This is where victims can get together and work their creativity in a positive way.

During these group sessions, the shelter provides free childcare to people attending. This is where Butler spends her time - working with the children through what she calls play therapy.

"It isn't just babysitting," said Regina, who has worked at the shelter for six years. "It's actually working with the kids, and paying attention them."

The shelter also offers emergency housing usually three to five days, or long-term shelter, up to 30-45 days. Butler said the housing is offered to anyone experiencing domestic abuse and is not restricted to only women. The shelter is open to male victims as well; any children of the victims are welcome too.

"In the past we've sheltered men, but there's no set policy," she said. "We do it on a case-by-case basis."

Counselors can also help victims get out of the area.

"If the only safe place for a victim to be is somewhere else, we will help them do that," Kerns said.

Humboldt Women for Shelter also has a crisis line and counselor advocates. The advocates are not trained professionals, Butler said, but act more as a guide for victims.

"They help women rebuild their life in a way that's healthy," she said. "They can give you access to resources, guide you through the system, even go to court with you if you want. They help to organize your goals, to listen and support you."

"But domestic violence affects everyone, and we see a broad range of people who use our services, lots of people from different backgrounds."

Humboldt Family Services

Another place open to students and community members seeking help is the Humboldt Family Services. This center provides help for victims but mostly offers therapy for offenders.

Brown said most of the people that the center sees are there through a court order, but some are there voluntarily. There are nine groups for domestic abuse offenders, she said, one for females and the rest for males. The service also provides individual therapy dealing with subjects like anger management and sobriety, but nothing needing intense therapy or medication.

Carol Cole, an associate social worker at HFS, said people have to pay to attend these groups, but on a sliding-scale basis. Cole said people in these groups learn to take responsibility for their actions, and talk about how to prevent themselves from relapse.

People who are court-ordered to attend these groups have to come for 52 weeks. Cole said people who have been attending the group sessions for a while become "elders," and help newcomers fit into the group discussions.

Nedelcoss said the basic issue in domestic abuse is, "It's still a power and control issue. The person who always has to have the last say, or get their point across," she said.

She also said sometimes it is difficult for people in general who have been abused to seek out help. When in the midst of abuse, she said, people don't know where to go.

She said it's important that victims know that they aren't to blame.

"People need to know that it doesn't mean I'm stupid for still loving the person who did this to me," she said.

And Nedelcoss has first-hand knowledge of the cycle of abuse. She said she got involved in helping victims and offenders of domestic abuse because she was once a victim.

She said in 1974 she was an HSU student and was beaten up by a boy. Back then, she said, nobody did much for domestic abuse and while she spent three days in the hospital, she never called the police.

"I was just a scared little kid, only 20 years old," she said.

She ended up leaving town because she said the guy would have killed her.

"I'm fiery. If I hadn't left town he would have killed me or I would have killed him," she said. "It wasn't going to stop unless I left."

Nedelcoss returned years later and has spent the last 15 years of her life working to help others. She said she dedicated 11 years to offenders, as opposed to five years with victims, because she said breaking the cycle of abuse is so important.

"We can help the victim, but we have to get to the root of the problem by working with the offenders. Ironically most batterers were abused as children and so violence just perpetuates itself," she said. "We need to correct this behavior. We are such a violent society."