Transition into womanhood

Anne Serene knew as a boy at 4 years old that she had to hide her affinity for wearing girl's clothing. In fact, she knew she was actually a girl, even though biologically she was labeled a male. Most of her friends were girls and she knew she was "different." She was the staple character in the movies that all the kids picked on. She was involved in cross-country and soccer during high school and said she was pressured in grade school to pursue football, being "pushed towards masculinity." During gym class once, she had clothes taken and thrown from her locker. "High school is trained to make people fit in," she said. "The more you don't fit in the more you're targeted."

The first time I remember seeing Anne was at a reading of the book "Cunt," an event put on by the HSU Women's Center. She had a pink blazer, a pink shirt, long brown hair, a made-up face, and what seemed to be a quiet demeanor. She had masculine legs and broad shoulders. When she sat next to me, I remember feeling ashamed at the curiosity I had as to whether or not the woman I saw from the corner of my eye was really a woman. Another day I saw her in the Depot, except she was looked more like a man than the initial time I'd run into her. Finally, I found her sitting at the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Alliance (GLBTSA) table in the quad, again dressed in a cute skirt outfit, looking, well, feminine.

In the spring semester of '99, I attended a workshop on Transgenderism that Anne facilitated and found myself intrigued by the life stories and anecdotes of two couples who'd gone through the male to female (MtF) or female to male (FtM) change.

Further, Anne's individual story pushed me to want to learn about what she's gone through in shaping her identity. "My father said I was 'leading the convoy to the highway to hell,'" shetells me over coffee. (Anne is wearing a GLBSTA t-shirt she tye-dyed, jeans, dress shoes, and a cardigan.) She tells me about growing up in the 80's of rural Indiana, a place in time that had no clue as to what transgenderism was, let alone any idea of accepting it. Her father was a preacher and she grew up with a strict sense of Christianity.

"By 15, I had the entire New Testament memorized," she said.

A Bill of Gender Rights according to the National Transgender Advocacy Coalition and JoAnn Roberts, Ph.D., December, 1990 It is time for the transgendered community to take a stand, a strong stand, against all gender-based discrimination simply because some people are different and simply because some people do not fit into current social norms of gender roles. It is time the gender-based community articulate this stand in words that clearly define exactly what our gender rights are. It is time to stand alongside other minority rights movements to declare these gender rights as follows: The Right To Assume A Gender Role Every human being has within themselves an idea of who they are and what they are capable of achieving. That identity and capability shall not be limited by a person's physical or genetic sex, nor by what any society may deem as "masculine" or "feminine" behavior. It is fundamental, then, that each individual has the right to assume gender roles congruent with one's self perceived identity and capabilities, regardless of physical sex, genetic sex, or sex role. Therefore, no person shall be denied their Human and/or Civil Rights on the basis that their gender role or perceived gender role is not congruent with their genetic sex, physical sex, or sex role. The Right to Freely Express Gender Roles Given that each individual has the right to assume gender roles, it then follows that each individual has the right to freely express gender roles in any manner that does not infringe on the freedom of another individual. Therefore, no person shall be denied their Human and/or Civil Rights on the basis that a private of public expression of a gender role or perceived gender role is not congruent with their genetic sex, physical sex, or sex role. The Right To Make One's Body Congruent With Gender Role Given that each individual has the right to assume gender roles, it then follows that each individual has the right to change their body or alter its physiology so it better fits a gender role. These changes may be cosmetically, chemically, or surgically induced, provided these changes are supervised by an appropriate licensed professional and the individual accepts sole responsibility for their actions in this regard. Therefore, no person shall be denied their Human and/or Civil Rights on the basis that they changed or wish to change their body, cosmetically, chemically, surgically, or any combination of these, to better fit a gender role. The Right To Sexual Expression Congruent With Gender Role Given that each individual has the right to assume gender roles, it then follows that each individual has the right to express their sexuality within a gender role. Therefore, no person shall be denied their Human and/or Civil Rights on the basis of sexual orientation or perceived sexual orientation. Further, no individual shall be denied their Human and/or Civil Rights for expressing a gender role through private sexual acts between consenting adults in any manner that does not infringe on the freedom of another individual.

She says that the Catholic and Mormon churches still haven't accepted transgenderism fully, mainly because of a vagueness in sexual orientation. Still, a variety of other religions accept transgendered people as those who "need to be saved," including the Baptists.

Anne came out in a letter, and then in person. Her father hasn't spoken to her since. Her mother has just recently come to accept her child as her daughter rather than her son. She has four sisters, the youngest of who is "cool with it." Initially, Anne's family assumed she was gay, but she was actually heterosexual- a woman in a man's body who liked men.

Following a trend among transgenders known as "purging", Anne left home at 18 and joined the Army. She was the "perfect stereotype poster boy" with an "asshole facade." The plan was to "purge" all the femininity from her system, proving to herself and the world that she was a boy externally and internally. Not many people enjoyed her company, she said, because she was such an abrasive "male." It got to the point where she was trying to get killed in battle because she hated the contradiction so much. She lasted ten years in the military, being stationed in such places as Georgia, North Carolina, Kansas, Germany, Korea, Hokonawa, Africa, and the Middle East. She said that among her peers in the military, she experienced "a lot of homophobia", often from people who were gay themselves.

By the time she got out the armed forces, she'd come to terms with who she was. She moved to a community in Los Angeles that accepted transgenderism, among other types of gender bending. She was diagnosed in 1997 with "gender identity disorder."

I ask her how she feels about the word, "disorder."

It really sucks because they (the psychological field) are medically enforcing cultural norms." She feels that it is not a mental disorder, per see, but something that should just have medical protocol when someone wants to seek sexual reassignment. For example, when a person wishes to get a nose job, doctors will discuss and plan the physical techniques they'll use to operate on the nose. They don't discuss whether the person getting the nose job has something mentally "wrong" with them.

Last thanksgiving, Anne was able to receive hormone shots and cover other medical expenses at a cost of $500. Preoperative work, with no actual sexual reassignment, can run up to $16,000.

Insurance doesn't pay for sex changes.

At least, not in the United States. Many other countries, such as France, Thailand, and Britain, accept transitions into the health care system. Anne hasn't had the funds to go through the sexual reassignment surgery, or SRS, but she has started hormones and met with a consultant to know what she'd be going through if she did. The procedure involves removing the testes, vaginoplasty, and a labiaplasty, each operation ranging at around $100. The hormones Anne is taking, estrogen and progesterone, have given her body the expected female characteristics. She's noticed that her body hair has changed from "that thick stuff to thin, fine hair," her body fat has been redistributed to her hips and chest, and she's recently reached a "borderline A/B cup." She's lost overall muscle mass and says her features don't look as harsh as they did before. In addition to her female hormones, she's had to take spironolactone, an anti testosterone drug that can be pretty harsh on the liver and acts as a dieretic. She has to be monitored very closely to make sure her health is continually intact.

Anne cringes when I ask her what her given legal name used to be. She treats it like a bad word, something so profane and taboo, it should only be uttered in strict confidence. "Michael," she whispers uncomfortably. She said the legalities of the name change and sex identity change were drawn out (it took her from early December of '99 to May 2000 to get complete clearance), but when she finally got to court, the judge simply asked her a few questions. Was she changing her name and sex for espionage purposes? Was she avoiding any financial obligations for her name and sex change? No.

She was free to leave and rid herself of the "M" word.

Anne works for the College of Natural Resources and Cultural Center and is this semester's female co-chair of the HSU Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Student Association. She is also the facilitator for the Transgender Workshop Series on campus. The series is driven by various speakers who have had experience in personal relationships with transgenders, those who've made the female to male transition, or a male to female transition. The workshops feature speakers who've made the FtM or MtF transition, as well as the experience of the partners who've been in personal relationships with the trans person through the transition.

Anne Pigg was the female co-chair of GLBTSA for the spring 2000 semester. She met Anne Serene a year and a half ago, when Serene first came to HSU- still a male.

"It was an interesting experience to watch her transition," Pigg said. Anne Serene was the first transgendered person Pigg had met, although she wonders if anyone else she's evermet, after their full transition, had beentransgendered. Pigg points out that, " People aren't usually aware" if someone is transgendered.

"High School is training to make people fit in. The more you don't fit in, the more you're targeted." -Anne Serene

I ask Pigg if she'd had any preconceived Jerry Springer ideas about transgenders before knowing Anne. She says it was one of those things where she "wanted to understand, but never had the opportunity."

"I've learned so much from Anne because of the guest speaking and hosts. "She was always sharing her experiences," Pigg said. She recalls that Anne just recently spoke in a Women's Studies class Pigg is taking. Concerning change, Anne told the class that she's still herself. The only thing that's changed is that other people can now see who she is.

She says there are less than a dozen transsexuals in Arcata, not including the "closeted cross-dressers She feels like the acceptance of transgenderism at HSU is good; "95% accept, 4% are put off but play along like they accept, and 1% are wackos who want to make like difficult." Anne experienced verbal harassments and death threats last year while living in the dorms. The UPD claimed it as a "felony of terrorism" and never figured out who did it, "but not for lack of trying," Anne said. She said they've been very supportive and interested to educating other officers about transgenderism.

She says she always has to watch out for her safety, having dealt with more violent forms of harassment in the past.

Her favorite color is purple, her favorite recording artists are Ani DiFranco, Indigo Girls, and Sheryl Crow, and her favorite films include "Better than Chocolate" and "Different for Girls," both of which include transgender or gay issues. She said when she was younger and going through her "destructive days," she took a liking to Judas Priest and Metallica. She describes herself as a "very non-violent person." She's a vegetarian.

When asked her age, she responds that she is four years old, in light of her recent transition.

She loves going to the mall and enjoys shopping at "Ross." She says going into dressing rooms is never really an issue for her because most of the salespeople "have already seen it."

"I'm always going to look masculine," she says, pointing out her wide shoulders, narrow hips, and tall frame. The hormones she's taking don't affect bone structure. Even so, she says she's emotionally dysfunctional as a man and now, after her transition, she "works." She feels OK to smile more.

"You have a lot more energy when you're not trying to hide who you are."

Anne points out some distinctions for me within the term "transgender." Transgenderism itself is a broad term that embodies "anyone who breaks the standard rules of laws of gender," she said. There are transsexuals, which are those who wish or feel that they've been biologically assigned to the wrong sex. Transvestites are different because they are simply cross-dressers who have no desire to actually make the transition to the other sex. There are lesbians who take on more masculine personas, and gay men who have more feminine attributes. Androgynes are those who have no real sexual assignment and fall between the roles of femininity and masculinity. Anne says she is "just a woman."

Besides the obvious physical change, what else has changed about Anne through her transition? Her communication style.

"What people expect from me is very different," she said. She acknowledges that men and women are taught to communicate on two spectrums, and as a self-proclaimed "shy and reserved person," she feels more comfortable with feminine standards. Still, she says if she orders people around in order to get a job done, she is perceived as the "biggest ice bitch on the planet." She wonders how to be an effective leader while not being the stereotypical "pushy male."

"Try dressing in full drag one day and going to Safeway," she suggests. She says you'll find the way you're treated as a male is very contrasting to how you'd be treated as a female.

I ask her if people like me, who focus on her transgenderism, bother her. Isn't she tired of having people ask questions and doesn't she just want to get on with life? She tells me while some questions curiosity seekers ask can be annoying or condescending, she realizes that "somebody has to educate people, and right now it's me."